


Diane

by femkatya



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Infidelity, Katya Zamolodchikova - Freeform, Lesbian AU, My First Work in This Fandom, Questioning, RuPaul's Drag Race - Freeform, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, This is my love letter to katya and trixie and drag and horoscopes, Trixie Mattel - Freeform, lots of fluff, rpdr, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femkatya/pseuds/femkatya
Summary: "All of those nights that he's given to me, I wish that I could give them back to you."In which Trixie and Katya meet, fall apart from each other, and are brought back together under strange circumstances.Inspired by the song "Diane" by Cam(also inspired by "One Stone" by Trixie Mattel)





	1. Your smile is like a breath of Spring

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!! this is my first story ever, I was inspired my @mallstars and @artificiallale to take up writing! Please leave any thoughts below and leave kudos if you like it and I'll try to update as soon as I can! (Also leave any suggestions if you'd like! The final plot isn't set in stone). 
> 
> major thanks to my beta as well, @honeybearmattel, who edited this for me!
> 
> come say hi to me on twitter and tumblr! @femkatya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song: "Jolene" by Dolly Parton

_******* _

**_Sophomore year, 2016_ **

**_***_ **

Trixie sighs heavily. It's been a really long Tuesday for her and she doesn't know how much longer she can take it. Her hair has been steadily falling out of the neat bun that it had been placed in before work and her pink lipstick was a little smeared on the right side. Faint Dolly Parton music plays in the background of the café but it isn't enough to keep her grounded, even though it's usually her favorite. It almost the end of her shift, but she can feel the nerves for her upcoming exam bottling up in her chest, and the heat of the room is not helping her in her current state. She dabs a napkin to her forehead, cursing whoever decided not to fix the air conditioning in the campus café over the summer.

"Sis, you doing okay?" She hears Aja ask her with a half-concerned, half-amused smirk on her face. She enjoys teasing Trixie throughout their shifts, and usually Trixie teases right back, but not today.

Trixie nods and stands upright, smoothing the fabric of her skin-tight pencil skirt once over and turning to face her best friend. Aja was a fashion design major and Trixie had gotten to know her when she decided to take a few advanced sewing classes as an elective. Sewing helped her take her mind off of things, and Aja became her closest confidant when they shared a love for design. They were hired by the campus café at the same time, which was the greatest stroke of luck to Trixie, a transfer student as a sophomore who needed more friends. She admired Aja's bold demeanor and her ability to not take shit from anyone. She remembers one time, Aja yelled at another student who told her that she was good at masculine fashion design... for a girl. Trixie remembers the fire that lit beneath Aja's gaze as she went off on this unsuspecting boy. Her combat boots hit the ground with great force and her arms crossed in sync with the cocking of her hip. The boy retreated and a few girls cheered for Aja. Trixie could never, she's never been ne for confrontation. It's something like that that she hopes to be able to do someday.

"I'm fine, I just have a hard exam tomorrow and every second I'm here is another second I could spend studying." She exasperates, putting a hand on her hip underneath where her apron ties tight around her curvy waist.

"Damn girl, all you ever talk about is school and studying. I promise you'll be fine, knowing you. There's only 15 minutes left in our shift anyway, I think you'll live."

Trixie knows that Aja's right, and she takes a minute to breathe. It's not even an important exam. She needs to chill. She focuses on the things around her and counts down from ten as Aja steps into the back room to take inventory, like she always does towards the end of their shifts together. Counting down from ten is what her brother had always told her to do when she felt overwhelmed. It helps her immensely.

She remembers a time when her older brother, Michael, found her crying in her room as a preteen. A boy at school had called her big, or fat, or some other disgusting adjective that Trixie can't remember anymore. She hugged her knees to her chest, squeezing her thighs in frustration before yelling out once, throwing her legs out in front of her, exasperated with herself. She cried against a pillow and her poorly done tween makeup smeared the pillowcase. Michael walked in slowly, trying not to scare her. He sat next to her on the floor, almost knocking over one of her old Barbie doll boxes, and she looked up at him with red eyes, ponytail falling out against the wall and mascara on her cheeks.

"What do you want?" She said in a tone that broke Michael's heart a little bit. He wasn't used to seeing his sister like this. He knew these years are hard for everyone, but he wasn't prepared to see his little darling sister go through it.

"Bea, do you want to talk about why you're upset?" Michael asked her genuinely, his tone soft and gentle. He chose his words carefully and made sure he wasn't crossing any boundaries that he wasn't supposed to. He has no experience with young teenage girls and he doesn't want to mess anything up.

Trixie shook her head in response. The hum of a football game on TV in the living room and the clinking of dishes as her mom washed them drowned out any silence. The noise made her restless. She hated Thursday-night football.

Michael nodded and patted her leg twice. She instantly drew her legs towards her again and began to cry harder into her pillow, broken sobs shaking her shoulders. Surprised by her sudden movements, Michael started to shush her and repeatedly told her that everything was going to be okay, it's all fine, nothing's wrong. Trixie eventually quieted down enough to hear Michael tell her to count.

"What?" Trixie questioned what he had meant by counting, sniffling still. He told her that if she counted backwards from ten, she would calm down and something good would come her way. Whether it be a good feeling, a sense of calm, a realization, or even a good moment with another person. She did as her brother told her to, and he was right. As soon as she counted down from ten, she looked at her brother with a sense of admiration that she had never felt before. She offered him a small smile. She was okay. Everything would be fine.

19-year-old Trixie closes her eyes, still standing behind the counter with her back to it. Nobody's even in the café right now anyway, so it's not like she's missing anything important by facing the storage room door.

Ten, nine, eight...

The front door of the café closes, the bell ringing pleasantly, but it goes in one ear and out the other for Trixie. Her breathing matches her slow counting.

Seven, six, five...

Heeled footsteps approach the counter, clicking against the wooden floors slowly. She feels the anxiety expel itself out of her toes.

Four, three, two...

A female voice clears her throat behind Trixie, "Hello?"

One.

Trixie turns quickly, shaking off her trance to notice the girl standing before her. Calmness restored.

"Sorry, I zoned out there for a second," Trixie tries to explain herself and then looks the girl up and down slowly. Her wavy blonde hair is shoulder-length and frames her face perfectly. Her bright red lips curve into a closed-mouth smile to match the red blouse that she's wearing. It tucks so nicely into her black jeans and her hips look absolutely to die for. She looks older than Trixie, she's probably a senior. Trixie suddenly realizes that her quick movements followed by such a slow look up and down of the gorgeous girl in front of her might be a bit uncomfortable and odd. She must force herself to stop staring. She's so beautiful, she thinks to herself before shaking her head, making timid eye contact with the girl standing before her, "Sorry, what can I get for you today?"

The girl in front of her smirks and returns the up and down scan of Trixie's body, or at least from the waist up, where she can see from the other side of the counter. She places a hand by the register, tapping her long black fingernails against the countertop.

"I guess I can forgive you..." She notices the girl leaning over a bit to read the neat handwriting on her nametag, "Trixie." Trixie's mouth opens a little when she senses the flirtatious tone in her voice. She feels her cheeks blush and she hopes desperately that the girl before her can't tell that she's feeling so bashful about one sentence from a stranger.

Trixie's mind swirls and she can't remember if it's her turn to speak before the girl interrupts her overthinking.

"I'll take a small black coffee, no room for cream." She instantly hands Trixie a five-dollar bill, which is more than enough money for the simple drink she ordered. Trixie reaches into the register for change when the girl interrupts her actions once more, "No need for change, sweetheart." She finishes her sentence with a wink and Trixie can feel a tingling sensation in her stomach. It feels like it's flipped over.

She nods and offers the girl a small thank you, trying not to let her embarrassment slip. She picks up a marker and a small coffee cup, "Can I get a name for the coffee?" She obviously doesn't need to know her name, she's the only person in the room other than Trixie herself. But Trixie wants to know. She wants to connect a name to this gorgeous face.

"Katya," the girl replies quickly and focuses her gaze on Trixie's button-up shirt. Trixie doesn't notice for a few moments, too busy writing the name on the cup and setting it to the side. Eventually Trixie follows Katya's gaze and notices that her top button had come undone earlier and she hadn't noticed. She didn't bother to fix it, it made her cleavage look nice and she knew it. She also knows that Katya is staring at her chest, and that makes her feel some kind of way. She looks up and smiles at her, "Thank you Katya, I'll get that for you."

Trixie steps towards the back where the coffee maker is and makes the coffee relatively quickly, it's not a complicated order like she usually gets from uppity teenagers and college students. She doesn't turn around to face Katya while the coffee brews because she's still a bit shaken up from the way she made her feel over the span of no more than a few minutes.

Trixie cannot help but feel confused. She's straight, what kind of nonsense is this? She's thought about this countless times before in her head. She is definition of a regular girl, she's happy to be straight because it means that she doesn't have to deal with the bullshit and hardships that come with being LGBT+. I mean, to each their own, but she's not gay. Nope. Totally not gay. Some chick waltzes into her place of work and makes her weak in the knees? That doesn't seem right to her, logically. The electricity she can feel coursing through her veins begs to differ, but she's already made up her mind about this before. She shakes her head and brushes it off, trying to cast away any inappropriate images out of her head. While she's forcing herself to think pure thoughts, she notices the coffee's been done. She doesn't know for how long. She calmly places a lid on the cup and decides as she walks to the counter that she's going to have a conversation with this girl. She doesn't know why or what to talk about, but she feels a sudden spark of confidence and she smiles as approaches the counter, "Katya?" She asks as if she's unaware that they're the only two people in the room.

Her smile drops suddenly, and her eyebrows raise in curiosity. Katya's on the phone, speaking in fluent Russian. She seems stressed all of a sudden and very anxious. She spins around when Trixie calls her name and she nods at her, offering her a smile that Trixie returns quickly as Katya grabs her coffee and speed walks out the door. On her way out, she drops a note on the ground. Trixie gasps silently and hops over the counter to grab the piece of paper, not worried that anyone there would be bothered by the unprofessionalism of literally climbing over a table like some sort of barbarian during work hours since no one else is there.

Aja comes through the back door into the space behind the counter as soon as Trixie picks up the note, reading it in her head. Something about the note changes her.

She hears Aja's voice yell to her, "We can leave now, Trix!"

When she got home, all she could think about was the Russian girl with the blonde hair and the red lips, red shirt, red red red.

**_***_ **

_**Senior year, 2 years later, 2018**_

_******* _

Trixie knows that she needs to stop. Her writing is so important to her, and her mind is racing with ideas and it is three in the morning and her hand is starting to cramp. She takes a moment to look up and breathe deeply. Her eyes shift, and she blinks heavily, stretching her legs out across her silky pink sheets. Her newest online purchase, she hums with satisfaction as her recently-shaved legs graze the silky material. She decided to wear her new cheeky underwear that she bought the other day, not bothering to put on pajama pants after she threw on her crewneck sweatshirt, and she's feeling good about herself in more ways than one. She feels refreshed, free, and in touch with herself. She can't help but eject her feelings through pen and paper.

She takes a mental break from songwriting to stare about her new room. Her eyes scan the raised ceiling and the framed pictures of her and her friends on the walls, neatly arranged and lit by fairy lights strung across her room in various places. She glances across the room towards her window with a built-in seat, adorned with fluffy pillows and several stuffed animals from her childhood. Next to the window was an exquisite Gibson Hummingbird guitar, something that she had to work many hours in the campus café to earn enough money to afford. Next to that on her desk, an autoharp that she was given as a child by her grandmother, destined to grow into and play songs on. She runs a hand through her curly, tousled hair and listens to the faint sound of music coming from the other room.

She's just recently moved into an apartment, now that she's a senior, with her roommate Kim, and she likes to listen to music to fall asleep at night. Most nights it plays until she wakes up in the morning and her endless playlist never reaches the end of shuffle.

Kim has always been really close to Trixie ever since she was randomly paired as her roommate sophomore year. Trixie had been alone with nobody that she knew, praying that her new roommate would be nice to her and wouldn't mind if she played her guitar quietly late into the night. She found that in Kim, and she is so grateful for her, even if Kim goes out of her way to poke fun at Trixie every once in a while. They lived together sophomore and junior year, forced to live in dorms until their senior year. Now that they finally have an apartment, they feel like hot shots and Trixie loves every second of her alone time in her very own room. She loved living with Kim, and she still does, but she appreciates moments like these where she can strum her guitar in peace or write lyrics out without the distraction of Kim's stories or music. Because of her newfound freedom, Trixie has never written songs faster.

Trixie is a musical theater major, but her heart lies in composition. Her major just helps her to be damn good at performing the songs she writes. She's starting to gather a following around campus, headlining gigs at coffee shops, parties, and even campus-wide festivals. People love her music, and she already has an album in the works. She hasn't told anyone about that yet besides Kim, but she can't wait to surprise her little following with a full album sometime during her senior year, probably as a farewell gift to those who have supported her lifelong dream of being a country singer.

The reason Trixie has been so inspired lately is because of a man she met recently. Yep, that's right. Trixie Mattel found herself a man. Finally, after all these years in college as a single mess, she found a man that seems good enough for her. She never seemed to be able to like a guy enough in the past to engage in a relationship, but this guy is different. He calls her pretty and he's popular. His name is Jason, and he's Trixie's childhood dream. He's taller than her, has strong arms, a killer bod, and a smile that makes her melt. They've hooked up a few times, (nothing more than a good makeout session), and she's thinking about taking things to the next level with him. It's inspired her to go wild on her newest music, writing lyrics upon lyrics incoherently, not really connecting the dots or categorizing anything, but spewing out every feeling she has onto the paper in front of her. It makes her realize how much she's been holding in over the years, unable to find a guy she actually liked. Every once in a while, she would meet someone who struck her fancy, some more than others, but she never took a chance on any of those people, or the opportunity always seemed to slip through her fingers. Either way, Jason makes her feel like she's finally got something going for her romantically, (and sexually, she might add), and she's excited by new possibilities. The thought of newness and change makes her feel rebellious and empowered. Inspiration is coursing through her veins, new romance on the horizon.

Eventually, she falls asleep with her notes sprawled out across her chest and her fairy lights the only things keeping the room from being pitch black. She dreams of the color red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! thanks for reading, commenting, bookmarking, subscribing, and leaving kudos! it encourages me to continue so much. remember to say to me on twitter and tumblr! @femkatya


	2. Thunder only happens when it's raining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie gives in.
> 
> This chapter's song: "Sonsick" by San Fermin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! 
> 
> thank you for being patient with me -- I will be updating this story more regularly now that I am out of school! I will be trying to post at least a chapter a week starting next week.
> 
> I appreciate comments so much!! Make sure to hit me up in the comments below, and on twitter and tumblr @femkatya
> 
> xx K

**_***_ **

**_Senior year, 2018_ **

**_***_ **

_Trixie doesn’t wake up, she just opens her eyes and is sitting cross-legged in a field of pink flowers and tall grass. She feels peaceful and her dress is as light as air. It moves when she breathes. Her hair flows in the wind peacefully and her heart is settled. She focuses her gaze on the distance. It’s black beyond the field and when she looks at it she gets goosebumps. Her heart fills with dread and her breathing steadily picks up its pace._

_The blackness closes in on her, but there is no feeling in her body. She thinks about getting up to run away. Her limbs do not get the memo. Her mouth hangs slightly open as her vision becomes blurry and darkness suddenly fills her vision, a scream unable to escape her paralyzed throat._

Trixie wakes up in a heated frenzy, sitting up immediately and looking around to make sure that she’s in her room. Her new apartment bedroom throws her for a loop, but she quickly recognizes that she’s safe and not in a field somewhere.

She breathes heavily, collecting her thoughts before she hears Kim shout from the next room, “Trixie, Jesus it’s noon get your ass out of bed!”

Kim always did this, and she’d never get used to it. Just because Kim is unable to sleep in past 8 doesn’t mean she can’t.

Trixie rolls her eyes and stands up, stretching her body like she does every morning. She’s recently lost some weight and she’s pretty proud of herself. She always hated the way she used to look, used to think that she could never discipline herself enough to get it done and lose the weight. After hitting her rock bottom before sophomore year and deciding to get herself in shape, she’s only felt better about herself.

She looks at herself in her vanity mirror, lifting her sweatshirt to touch her own hip semi-sensually, her fresh pink manicure lightly scratching her newly tanned skin. She’s standing on her tiptoes a little to see the curve where her thigh meets her knee. She shakes her head and laughs a little when she realized how much she’s checking herself out. She deserves this, damn it. Working out so often and watching her diet so stringently has earned her moments like these.

She eventually gets over herself enough to pull on cotton shorts and walk outside to her and Kim’s shared kitchen. Kim is sitting at their small table, sipping her morning tea and scrolling through Instagram as usual, her legs crossed with one slipper dangling from her foot. Kim has been getting a lot of praise on Instagram recently for her extravagant makeup looks, and she hasn’t been able to put her phone down since. They’ve both been pretty inspired lately.

Trixie walks over to the pantry, pulling out some cereal, grabbing the pre-brewed coffee that Kim always starts for her in the morning, and sitting across from Kim at the table, pouring milk over top of her Cheerios. She folds her feet underneath of herself, sitting in some weird fashion. It’s not her fault that she never sits correctly in chairs. She sips her coffee and eats a mouthful of cereal, waiting for Kim to acknowledge her existence. Kim’s foot swings to the rhythm of some song that she’s humming. She’s completely unbothered.

Trixie clears her throat and waits for Kim to respond to her. They haven’t really talked much since they moved in a few days ago, but it’s been a comfortable silence. Nothing intimidating. They had seen each other a lot over the summer too when Trixie scored an internship in downtown Chicago and didn’t have to go home to Wisconsin for the summer. She stayed with Kim’s family for those few months and had a good time. She wasn’t there a lot, as her internship took up most of her time with strenuous rehearsals and overwhelming hours, but she was very appreciative of Kim’s family for letting her stay. She always appreciated the proximity from Kim’s house to their new apartment, it made things easier for her.

While she stayed with Kim she got her own little room in the opposite wing of the house from everyone else, and it was as if she had her own little suite. Perfect for writing music alone.

Sadly, Trixie was the opposite of inspired over the summer. She was tired and felt overworked, and she was never in the mood for writing songs. It goes to show that inspiration can come from the most unexpected places, and the places that seem like the perfect environment might not be. She’s been trying her best to live in the moment and to not let things get so caught up in her mind. She needed to let expectations go.

She wanted Kim to say something to her because they hadn’t yet talked about Jason. Jason and Trixie had been “dating” for about 2 weeks now and had met right before they moved into their new apartment. She had met him in some bar she went to towards the very end of her internship. He talked her up, and she didn’t like him at first. She got drunk enough that they made out in the back of his car before he drove her home. She gave in because it had been so long since she had last seen any sort of action from anyone, let alone one of the most handsome men she had ever seen.

Trixie was so excited to have her first college relationship that didn’t only consist of a few hookups. She tried to forget some things that have happened in the past.

Kim had seen Jason through the peephole of their apartment when he had given Trixie a goodnight kiss the other night and she quickly retreated to her own room. Kim wasn’t one for confrontation. And Trixie got the feeling that Kim wasn’t Jason’s biggest fan. They had never officially met, but Trixie had mentioned Kim to Jason and vice versa. Jason asked when he was going to meet Trixie’s mysterious roommate, and Trixie brushed it off by saying Kim was never home. This was only a small lie. Kim was usually home, but Kim wasn’t usually willing to say hello.

The other night, Kim and Trixie sat on their futon in their living room watching America’s Next Top Model and eating this new glutenfree-fatfree-cholesterolfree expensive health-conscious popcorn that Trixie had found at the store. Kim ate one bite before switching back to Orville Redenbacher’s.  
They sat in silence before Kim spoke first.

“I saw Jason through the peephole yesterday.”

Trixie turned around at this mention of her new love interest, her heart jumping at the mention of him.

“Kim that’s actually, like, so creepy,” Trixie chuckled to herself and took another bite of her popcorn.

“Well, you two weren’t being very quiet, and I didn’t like the way he grabbed your ass. Too much, bro, back off,” she raised her eyebrows, her gaze still on the TV.

“Sorry about that,” Trixie said sincerely. She really wanted Kim to like Jason, so she knew that she shouldn’t push it very far and tease Kim too much with her new love life.

She remembers last night when she laughed so loud at something suggestive that Jason said that it sounded more like a screech as she wrapped her arms around his neck, grinning from ear to ear. She stood on her tiptoes to do this and pulled away after a few seconds, looking into his eyes.

He really was a pretty man, dazzling green eyes with dimples hidden in his light facial hair. Someone on the street had told him earlier that he had a killer jawline while they walked back to her apartment from a little café down the road. He looked like he knew he had a killer jawline.

She stops silently trying to get Kim’s attention when she hears a knock on the door. She jumps a little in her intense stare and finally sees Kim’s gaze move from the tapping of her screen. She motions for her to open up the door, remaining silent. Trixie gives her a little bit of a frustrated pout in response to her silence and puts her coffee down, standing up to walk over to the door.

They haven’t been here very long, so Trixie has no idea who is about to be on the other side of the door.

She looks through the peephole and is excited to see that it’s Jason. She smiles and quickly glances at the mirror by their door to make sure that she looks okay. She quickly flips her hair before she opens the door, smirking at Jason, “Hey babe!”

He returns the smile immediately and looks at her comfortable outfit once over, “Hey hon, I see you’ve been productive today.” He lets himself inside and kisses her cheek, walking behind her.

She’s a little flustered by his quick movements and she has no time to warn Kim that her favorite person is here to stop by. She turns around and spots Kim hesitantly looking at Jason from around the corner of the living room’s entryway to the kitchen. Jason can obviously see her.

“Kim, this is Jason. Jason, Kim.” She tries to close the awkward gap between them. Kim acknowledges her efforts and steps towards Jason, offering him a solid handshake, “Nice to meet you.”

Trixie is proud of Kim’s efforts.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Jason returns the sentiment and immediately steps towards Trixie, putting his hand on her waist. Trixie immediately looks to Kim for dissatisfaction and is not surprised to see her look disapprovingly at his hand. Trixie immediately makes up some excuse to leave the room and leads Jason to her room, a room he’s been in many times before, but never for actual sex. Trixie was never ready for that.

But was she now?

They had been dating for a couple weeks now. Their relationship would seem very rushed to some people, but not to Trixie. Her rational side is telling her to slow down, but her hormones have been telling her to give in to Jason’s relentless implications that he wants to have sex with her.

When they sit in her room that day for hours, kissing and talking about life, she decides that she is ready. She’s not moving too fast, it’ll be okay. She can let herself fall for someone like him. It’s not ideal, but it’s physical contact, she feels like a giddy teenager getting attention from the popular boy in class.

He makes her happy. Not happy like she used to make her, but happy. That’s what she thinks of right before she gives into him completely later that night.

_I’ll fall for you soon enough. I’ll resolve to love._


	3. All the pretty girls in the world, and I'm in this space with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie wants more. 
> 
> This chapter's song: "Honey" by Kehlani

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Finally back to this story. Thank you for the encouraging comments and notes!! It means the world to me. Be sure to hit me up on tumblr/twitter @femkatya !!! 
> 
> Enjoy this one, and I'll be back soon with the next one. Tell me your thoughts and predictions in the comments! What would you like to see? 
> 
> Send love. 
> 
> xxK

**_***_ **

**_Sophomore Year, 2016_ **

**_***_ **

The drumbeat is loud in her head. At this point she can’t tell if it is her own incessant mind after a long day of classes or the loud local band playing new music at the other end of the coffee shop.

Trixie’s had a long day, unsurprising because it’s exam week across campus. Not only is this time of October a busy time for the library and people going to the classes, this is also a busy time for the coffee shop since everyone decides to finally study once their finals are mere hours away. Trixie couldn’t imagine pulling an all-nighter to cram before a big test. It’s just not her style.

Right now, it’s 9 PM on a Friday and Trixie saw herself doing better things with her college weekends than sitting at an empty counter, watching the band mess up over and over again with her chin resting on her hand, hip cocked out to the side in an unamused way.

Today was her last day of tests, thankfully, and she can focus on the taking a breather this weekend. She just thinks she needs to sleep first and foremost and being called into work at the last minute was not helping the pounding in her head.

She wasn’t supposed to work tonight, but Aja called her frantically about how she needed to finish a garment that she accidentally tore in half the day it was due and there was no way she could fix it without getting out of work. Through wild yelling about her grades and how “no sewing machine can move that fast without bursting into flames,” Trixie agreed to help her friend in a time of need. Aja thanked her just about a million times over before Trixie simply stated, “You owe me, bitch.”

It was pleasant news to hear the moment she sat down on her bed in her dorm, exhausted from the pressure of her final English exam, and really looking forward to the nap she was about to take. Now, it would have to wait, because Aja’s shift was supposed to start in under an hour. God, Trixie is basically a saint. Can you canonize someone who’s still alive?

She stares at the bottom of Kim’s bed on top of her own, the bottom of her friend’s mattress she decorated with glow in the dark stars. Kim doesn’t know they’re there, but she doesn’t have to. She isn’t around much between her constant classes and her job as a teaching assistant for an art class. She was undecided as to what her own major was at this point, but she took every creative class you could imagine. From ceramics, to graphic design, to cosmetology, Kim could be found in the front row of the class. Trixie was only a little bit jealous that Kim seemed to ace every single one of them.

Trixie did well in her own classes, but she felt a little hopeless at times. She knows that she’s adequate at what she does, she can sing and play guitar as well as she’s seen anyone else play it. This is bittersweet for her, because it means that she’s just as good as everyone else, but also means that she doesn’t think that she’s better than anyone else either. She needs to find a way to distinguish herself from the crowd, and she wants to do that before she leaves this place. Her old school did not challenge her enough, so she hopes that transferring to the University of Chicago would give her the extra boost to make herself more well-known.

It doesn’t help that everywhere she looks there’s another blonde girl singing with a guitar about heartbreak. She needs to find her niche, whatever it is that makes her unique. She knows that she has it, she can feel it in her gut. Her gut told her to break up with her boyfriend before things became too toxic in the 11th grade, her gut told her to get rid of her bangs before starting high school, her gut told her to transfer to U of C and she can already tell that she fits in better in this environment. Her gut has never led her in the wrong direction, and she trusts it enough to carry on her current education path. While she may have doubted herself, and others around her have told her that it’s so hard to make it big in the music industry, she knew in her gut that there was something there yet to be discovered. She is different, she has a chance.

For a while, her own body image stood in her way of becoming a musician. When she was in high school, people would taunt her for having a larger build. Her hips were wide and she wasn’t the skinniest person in the world, but she never hated her body until she let those bullies get to her. She never doubted herself more than when people told her she was “huge” or “too tall for a regular girl.” She would come home crying, her older brother threatening to beat up whoever made her feel so insecure. Michael was always like that with her, extremely protective and always wary of letting her be around boys.

Trixie never expressed much interest in boys until she was halfway through high school and she got her first boyfriend. Their relationship was born entirely out of spite because Trixie’s parents said she wasn’t allowed to date anyone until she was in college. From a young age, she was even taught never to have sex until she was married to a man and ready to have children.

She can remember her mother saying to her, “Bea, honey, you know that in God’s eyes, you shouldn’t do those things before you’re married to a good man. It’s the only way to real happiness, doll.”

An adolescent Trixie, bothered by the childish nickname, always nodded solemnly in response, Michael typically next to her rolling his eyes at his mother. She’d mention this to her children whenever they were exposed to sexual themes in TV shows, movies, music, whatever else. Every scoff towards a young single mother, every sinister glance at a gay couple, every moment of judgment from her mother has shaped her in some way.

Thinking about it deeper as a young teen, Trixie’s heart dropped into her stomach. She was 13 years old, and she had never thought about being with another woman, but now that she had, she felt dirty. Why did Trixie feel guilty? She hadn’t done anything wrong, but she felt something. She felt something in her gut. It was like a premonition, pre-determined guilt. She didn’t know it then, but thinking back on it now, she might know why her heart had felt so-

_CRASH_

Trixie snapped out of her reminiscent thoughts when the drummer for the band across the room accidentally kicked over a cymbal and its high-pitched tumbling sound startled everyone in the room. The drummer apologized to everyone and Trixie huffed out an annoyed breath, unmoving until she heard someone clear their throat over by the register, a noise she barely heard over the sound of people’s voices picking up volume after the crash silenced them for a moment.

The throat-clearing was enough to startle Trixie again, and her brain immediately felt the same annoyance that the crashing sound had caused. She rolled her eyes before turning her attention to the register, muttering, “Sorry, sorry about that, I…”

She looked up to a familiar face, curly hair pulled back into a high ponytail, red lipstick perfectly applied to perfect lips. A black tank top and black leggings covering a perfect body. Red gym shoes, another pop of color. Red lips curving into an irresistible smile, teeth glinting and a small laugh emitting from between the cherry-reds. Black nails once again tapping on the counter, tapping to the beat of Trixie’s heart, the beat of the music in the background.

“Hey there, doll.” Trixie was instantly brought back to reality. The nickname made her think about her past for a moment more, but she was more focused on the woman in front of her than those memories right now.

“Looks like you’ve seen a ghost, love.” Katya chewed her gum in time to the moderate drum beat in the background, talking a little louder than usual to compete with the noisiness of the band.

Trixie let out a breath, letting her hip pop out to the side to match Katya’s position, her own hip angled to the side, leaning against her palm on the counter.  
“Seems like you’re great at catching me at moments when I’m not paying attention to my job.”

Both of Katya’s rows of teeth shone brightly in a smile.

“Seems like I’m good at catching you alone here, are you sure anyone else really works here?” Katya gestured with her free hand to the back of the café area, completely empty except for Trixie. The absence of customers behind Katya in line further emphasized her point.

“We’re a very popular establishment, as you can see.” Trixie offered her a smile, and Katya smirked at her.

“Quite obviously, but maybe not this half of the room,” Katya pointed at the crowd of people taking up the other half of the room and laughed to herself, “It’s kind of ridiculous, the difference in numbers between your half and this half.”

Trixie grinned at Katya, glad that the conversation was continuing. She’s glad that it already seems longer than their last interaction. She had hoped to see this woman again, she was so intrigued by her movements, her way of speaking. There was something in the way she carried herself that made Trixie want to learn more.

Platonic or not, Trixie found herself needing to know.

That caused her to stop in her tracks. No, it’s platonic. It has to be. She consciously chose to ignore that thought for the time being.

The past few days after she saw Katya that first day, Trixie contemplated her sexuality. It sounds super dramatic, she knows that. Katya genuinely made her feel something deep, in her gut. Her gut was simultaneously her greatest friend and her biggest enemy. She always fought with it, but usually her gut was always right. This time, she couldn’t tell if Katya was someone she wanted to get to know deeper as a friend or if she was really into the woman, as a _woman._ If that makes any sense. It probably doesn’t. Whatever, Trixie knew she had all night to restlessly think about this later. She also knows that it’s been too long since she’s said something. Again.

“Yeah, yeah… The bands are usually pretty popular here, we get a good turn out to these things. But nobody seems to want coffee at 9 PM around here, unless it’s the night before an exam, so I’m left all alone.” She crossed her arms underneath her slightly exposed cleavage, once again.

Katya turned back to Trixie, “Well, I don’t know how anybody could pass up talking to someone as pretty as yourself. These people are missing the main event, as far as I’m concerned.” Katya switched out her gum with a new piece, throwing the old gum and wrapper into the trash can a few feet away, her fingers twisting around the new wrapper in a blasé way, keeping eye contact with Trixie for most of the time, an interested smirk on her lips. Queen of multi-tasking.

Trixie could feel herself blush, pressing down on the register to open up the order screen, biting her lip.

“What can I get for you tonight, Katya?”

Katya seemed pleased that Trixie had remembered her name, and she stood up a little straighter, pushing back a strand of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail, all while blowing a bubble with her new piece of gum. Pink gum, right between those red lips. When it popped, Trixie felt a shiver go down her spine and she shifted her weight to the other side of her body.

“I’ll have a black coffee-“

“No room for cream?” Trixie finished her sentence quickly, something that Trixie was sure to overanalyze after this interaction was over.

Katya only smiled and nodded, handing Trixie a five-dollar bill before rushing away to the other side of the counter where she was meant to wait for her drink, leaving Trixie unable to offer Katya any change. Trixie could see Katya’s body slightly moving to the beat of the song the band was playing, and Trixie felt warm in her heart. Katya’s hips moved in a figure 8 pattern, and she mindlessly looked at her phone while she waited for her coffee. Trixie took a deep breath as she began to make Katya’s coffee. The switch from Indie pop music to the soft sounds of R&B-type beats as two bands switched out on stage made Trixie’s nerves calm down.

Placing a lid on Katya’s coffee, she wrote her name on the side of the cup, forgetting to do so earlier. She drew a heart next to her name. A small one, not too daring.  
She handed it to Katya with a slight grin, going back to her usual leaning spot against the large counter, able to see the band from this spot. Her attention was focused on the Russian blonde in front of her. (Russian? American? Both? Who knows?) While Katya struggled a little bit opening the slit in the lid, Trixie could see all of Katya’s body from her new vantage point.

This woman was toned in all the right places. Her attire made it look like she had just returned from a yoga class or something, all while wearing that bright red lip. That was something Trixie could admire. She could see Katya’s abs move as she breathed in and out, her breasts complimented by the black sports bra she was wearing underneath the tank top. Everything about the way she looked made her seem extremely put-together, something Trixie almost envied.

She hated to compare herself to others, but it’s hard when someone as attractive as this woman was complimenting Trixie left and right and seemingly flirting with her. She nearly felt like Katya’s compliments were insincere, as if Katya’s own physical appearance cancelled out her ability to flatter Trixie.

After Katya took a few sips of her drink and leaned against the other side of the counter across from Trixie, Trixie took the hint and realized that Katya had no intentions of leaving immediately. Something inside of Trixie was keen on that realization. Trixie also prayed that no one else would approach the register.

They exchanged a few words, Katya shifting her gaze between the band and Trixie herself. When Katya looked away Trixie would take the few moments to collect herself. She would adjust her collar, pat down her skirt, twist her hair between her fingers. Katya continued the flirty glances amongst normal conversation, mostly music-related. Trixie didn’t do most of the talking, but she was happy to listen to Katya talk about steampunk or whatever else. Trixie didn’t mind that her topic of conversation changed every few seconds without any clear direction.

“…And I’ve had rap music coursing through my veins!” Katya grinned at her eagerly, awaiting Trixie’s reaction to such a concluding remark.

Trixie took a moment before fully cackling and turning away from Katya so her laugh wasn’t quite as deafening. A few people even turned around from the band to see what was going on in the back when they heard her laugh. She covered her mouth when she turned back around to face Katya, embarrassed by herself, and continued to laugh quietly as Katya laughed along with her, knowing that her comment made absolutely no sense in this context. Katya could tell that it wasn’t often that Trixie laughed like that, as she had seemingly surprised herself with the sound that came out of her mouth.

Before Trixie knew it, it was closing time and people were starting to shuffle out of the room. Katya had really stood there for over an hour talking to Trixie about nothing, yet everything. Trixie enjoyed every delicious, flirtatious, hilarious moment of it.

The weirdest part of it all was that Trixie’s instincts were to go along with every smooth move that Katya tried to use on her. She playfully responded to Katya’s flirtatious attitude and didn’t feel uncomfortable about it in the moment. It was always a different story when she was alone at night thinking about her own identity. That would have to wait, for now. She was currently lost in red.

“Well, I must be going, looks like the show’s over,” Katya said as she pulled a napkin out from the side of the counter, “But I could use one more thing from you, doll.”

Trixie liked that nickname again.

“And what’s that?”

Katya grabbed the marker Trixie had placed on the side of the counter as well, writing Trixie’s name in scribbled handwriting at the top of the napkin.

“If I could get your number, I think I can promise to make all of my excessive chatting worth your while.” Trixie wasn’t sure, but she thinks Katya finished that sentence with a wink.

Trixie obliged bashfully and wrote her phone number neatly underneath her name, drawing two hearts above the i’s in Trixie before passing the paper back over to Katya.

Trixie called Aja after her shift that night as she walked back to her dorm room. Without as much as a “Hello,” Trixie immediately said, “I already need to cash in that favor you owe me, and you can’t say no to this one.”


	4. It's not living (if it's not with you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie takes a chance on her. 
> 
> Alternatively:  
> The one in which I'm sorry for taking too long to update this story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! So incredibly sorry for how long this has taken. I hope to make this story worth your while. College and life happened to me, so this had to be put on the back burner. I'm trying to take better care of myself and writing this is a part of that. Hope you don't hate me too much, and enjoy this slightly longer piece!! (side note: this is also unedited bc i wrote all of it at once and I am eager to release it into the wild)
> 
> Send love. 
> 
> xx K

***

Sophomore Year, 2016

***

**So, what’s your sign, sugar?**

Trixie laughed audibly at the text message that popped up on her screen from an unfamiliar number. Her feet swung underneath her stool in a Music Theory classroom, sitting at a large open desk with sheet music and lyrics strewn across it. Her hair pulled back into a long braid to keep itself from falling over her work, even though a few strands had come out around the front of her face. Her overalls have one strap unbuttoned, falling to her side. She could never adjust that one perfectly. Her shoulders are uneven.

She grinned once more at the text, trying to think of a clever way to respond to Katya. She could tell it was her.

There was something about Katya that severely intimidated Trixie. They hadn’t even exchanged many words, besides their random conversations in the coffee shop, (the last one, she can admit, was a little lengthy), but she was still a bit on edge around the older woman. The way she walked around with so much confidence, so much absolute sureness of who she was. It was something Trixie heavily admired. Or maybe it was jealousy. There was a thin line there.

**Hey there stranger, I’m a vibrant Leo**

She double-texted, feeling a little bold at the moment.

**Now I’ve gotta know yours you know, if you’re a Capricorn we might have an issue**

Trixie deleted that last bit, she didn’t know if Katya was really into her like that, much less willing to look about if they’re astrologically compatible or not.

**Now I’ve gotta know yours now, you know**

There. Sufficient.

Trixie put her phone down and looked back down to her sheet music. She was in the middle of writing a new song for a project, something that she had never done before.

She had only had experiences writing songs straight from the heart, inspired by events in her life as they had come and gone. With this prompt in front of her, her mind ran circles around different ideas. It was difficult for her to manifest lyrics out of thin air. She would usually be riding the bus home and she’d pull out her notebook and pen, or she’d be going for a jog and she’d pull her phone out of her waistband to type something into her Notes so that she wouldn’t forget it. It’s much harder to make inspiration come to you on command. Especially one that matches up with a few prompts written on a manufactured syllabus.

Right now, inspiration felt like a word stuck in her throat, and she felt her mind wander to the events of last night.

**_The night before_ **

_“So, she’s a communications major?” Aja asked in a confused tone, “That seems sorta… bland? I don’t know, she seems so interesting, but her major is so… meh?” Aja shrugged as she pinned back a dress on a mannequin in one of the fashion classrooms, one strap of her overalls falling over her exposed bicep, biting her lip after she spoke._

_Trixie stood in front of Aja, fingers twiddling her backpack straps, ready to go home after a long day of classes._

_“Yeah, but she’s minoring and getting certificates, in like, a million different languages, she’s fucking Russian or something.”_

_“Sexy,” Aja stated matter-of-factly, wiggling her eyebrows slightly in Trixie’s direction. A roll of thread fell somewhere across the room where others were working on their projects. Trixie rolled her eyes._

_“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I just need your help.”_

_Aja seemed to listen more intently._

_“I need you to help me with an outfit, and maybe makeup. I haven’t decided on that yet.”_

_Aja looked confused. Trixie responded before she had the chance to ask for more details._

_“I plan on asking this woman out and I need to be really confident about it.”_

_An almost shocked look crossed Aja’s face, then she grinned at her friend._

_“So, Miss Trixie Mattel swings both ways? Plays for the other team maybe?” Aja chuckles at herself and stops what she had been working on, beginning to pack up her things, “Walk with me, sis.”_

_Trixie felt like she needed to deny Aja’s claims but then remembered that she shouldn’t do that to herself anymore. It would be okay if she tested this part of herself. And when there’s a smoking hot Russian woman that seems like she I pursuing you, what better opportunity could she have? She was sure that this was the universe’s way of saying ‘Go ahead, try this out, hon.’_

_Trixie walked with Aja out the door and down the front steps of the building, thinking too much about what she was going to say next._

_They walked in silence for a bit before Trixie finally broke the ice._

_“Would you mind helping me out if I asked her out? Just so I wear something a little extra special, I need as much confidence as I can get if I’m going through with this.”_

_Aja nodded, “Of course I can do that for you, Trix,” Aja gave her a soft grin, something genuine that Trixie mistook for a sympathy smile. She didn’t want to be pitied. Something instead her was set off._

_“I don’t know if I’m gay, or whatever, bisexual? I don’t know, I just don’t know if I’m getting too far ahead of myself with this or something, I want to follow my gut but my brain is telling me to slow the fuck down and my heart is telling me to just jump in as fast as I can and I’m not sure if I-“_

_“Woah, woah, woah, Trix, slow your roll,” Aja stopped Trixie in her tracks, and held onto the sides of her arms, looking her in the eyes, “You don’t have to be sure of anything. I promise you.” Aja gave her a bigger smile this time. Trixie knew that it wasn’t Aja’s fault, she was overthinking again._

_“Okay. Thank you, Aja.” Trixie returned the smile, butterflies in her stomach settling comfortable as they continued walking back to their dorm building._

_Aja had to throw one last remark in, “I’m surprised you’re the one doing the asking out, you go, bitch! Get some!”_

_Trixie only laughed and shook her head in response, “It’s something I’ve been trying to do. Being more assertive.”_

Now, sitting at a few scribbled-on note sheets, she tries to focus again. She ends up writing a few lines mostly associated with different colors before she decides to try again later. She didn’t need to fry her brain any more than she already had.

She collected her things and stuffed them into her backpack before slinging it over her shoulder and grabbing her phone last, scrolling through a few notifications. She was disappointed that none of them were from Katya.

She sighed and put her phone in her pocket when she heard it buzz as soon as she took her hand from it. She picked it up and smiled at what she saw.

**I’m a Taurus, so I think that means we’re compatible.**

**~~~**

The next day, Trixie woke up with a surge of energy. She felt really good about herself, so she went on an extra long run that morning. She looked at herself in the mirror afterwards and analyzed her own face. She had that type of extraordinary confidence when you look in the mirror bare-faced and feel like you have makeup on. It’s always an unexpected confidence but it’s the best kind to have.

She put on her favorite pair of cuffed skinny jeans and a cropped pink long sleeve with flowy sleeves that made her feel even better about her appearance. She mentally thanked the universe for her good day.

As she headed to her class she scrolled through her twitter feed leisurely, stepping across brick streets that no cars ever drove down. She listened to Dolly Parton music softly and her footsteps matched the rhythm of the song.

After her two morning classes, she walked to the coffee shop she worked at to get a latte, as she always did on Friday afternoons. She glanced towards the counter as she walked in, one earbud in, and shoving her phone into her back-jean pocket. The only person standing in line takes her breath away.

It’s Katya, standing with her hands on her hips and her hip cocked out to one side, high ponytail and black turtleneck giving Trixie the most delicious view of her jawline. Those high-waisted jeans aren’t helping her mind from straying too far away either.

Katya turns to face her as the bell above the door chimes, and Katya’s face exudes a smirk.

“младенец!” Katya says happily, her smirk turning into a full-blown smile. Trixie was envious of her perfect teeth. But also, she wanted to run her tongue against them.  

 _Woah, what the fuck?_ She thought to herself as that weird imagery passed through her mind. She shook it off and walked towards Katya.  

“Hey, Katya.” Trixie returned the smile and stood next to her in line, giving her a not-so-subtle head to toe look. Katya seemed to like this, her smile retreated into a smirk once again as she returned the look up and down her body. Trixie thanked God that she put effort into her appearance today, and that these jeans made her ass look so right.  

Before they could start their conversation, it was Katya’s turn to order. After she did so and started moving off to the side, Katya got a phone call and motioned to Trixie that she would only be a minute, but she needed to take the call. Trixie nodded, a little disappointed because this would only give her nerves more time to build up. She stepped up to the counter and began to order to a new boy she had only met once during a shift before and reached into her pocket to give the boy a few 1’s.  

“Oh, that woman in front of you has got you covered.” The boy that Trixie felt bad for not remembering his name smiled at her and wrote Trixie’s name on the empty cup, obviously remembering _her_ name. Trixie blushed and felt her heart flutter, thanking the boy and sticking a couple dollars into the tip jar instead and earning another grin from the boy.

She stepped off to the side right as Katya came back from around the corner, ending the call on her phone. 

“You didn’t have to pay for my drink, but that was very nice of you.” Trixie messed with the bracelet adorning her wrist and bit her bottom lip slightly, trying so fucking hard to flirt, honestly.

Katya made a gesture brushing it off, “No biggie, babe. Just trying to be nice. You look great today, there’s something about you that made me think ‘Wow, this girl deserves a free coffee.’ Your shirt has flowy sleeves!”  

Trixie laughed at that, smiling so hard she felt like her face was going to fall off.  

“Well, that’s very kind. Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.”  

Katya continued smiling at her, and before she could say anything back, Trixie decided to turn it up a notch and be more direct. It was like her gut automatically made her do it, before she even had time to think about it. 

“You look so fucking good in those jeans.” Trixie’s tone changed to be a bit deeper with that sentence, her gaze directing towards Katya’s hips and then back up to her eyes. Katya’s gaze shifted as well, and she swore she saw her cheeks heat up at Trixie’s words, something Trixie never would have expected to see happen because of her.  

It was this moment that Trixie first became explicitly flirting with Katya, and Katya seemed to take it very well.  It wasn’t even that sexual, but the way Trixie said it made the moment fill with tension. The good kind, the kind that was sexual, yet innocently flirty. It was a moment that Trixie had been craving. The moment they were in felt like years but was only a few fleeting seconds in reality.  

“Trixie and Katya?” The boy yelled from the pickup counter, placing their cups next to each other and walking over to the register immediately after. The counter Trixie could no longer picture without remembering the way Katya had leaned up against it, elbow on the side and legs looking way too good to be true.  

They were both taken out of the moment and Trixie felt the tension break, but their interest in each other didn’t waver in the slightest.  

Before Katya could speak again, Trixie decided to dominate conversation once more.  “Come out with me tonight, I’ll buy you a drink to make up for this latte you so graciously paid for.” Trixie took a sip of her vanilla latte with an extra shot, peeking up through long eyelashes to look at Katya’s face, obviously satisfied with Trixie’s assertiveness.  

“That sounds great, sugar. I’ve gotta be going to class, but I want you to have something.” Katya reached into her pocket and pulled out a bunch of small pieces of paper, messily put together. She searched for one and pulled it out of the small stack, folding it 4 ways before leaning close to Trixie, hand brushing past her hip and into her back pocket not occupied by her phone, shoving the paper in and letting her hand linger for a second, almost whispering into Trixie’s ear, “Увидимся вечером.”  

Trixie felt something inside of herself shiver, and her body leaned in towards Katya’s instinctively. She looked into her eyes for a moment and nodded with her mouth slightly agape, not knowing what Katya had really said. Katya seemed satisfied and Trixie swore she felt Katya put a little extra pressure on her ass before she let go, walking out of the coffee shop and into the street before Trixie could bat an eye. 

Trixie let out a deep breath and sipped her coffee again. She wanted Katya to do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone enjoyed the story!! sound off in the comments and tell me what you thought of this chapter and what you'd like to see in the future! those comments really encourage me to continue. 
> 
> also, be sure to follow me on twitter and tumblr @femkatya for some gay content!!
> 
> Send love. 
> 
> xx K


	5. Why did you do that?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens and Trixie continues her bold streak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, I am such a slow updater, but this one is quite long. hope you all enjoy it! thank you for reading and check out the end for some more notes <3 
> 
> this is also very unedited so spare me please
> 
> xx K

**_***_ **

**_Sophomore Year, 2016_ **

**_***_ **

Feeling a little dazed from the random burst of confidence she just had, she lets out a long breath and glances around the room. She feels like she was taken out of it for a few minutes and she needed to re-center herself. She shakes her head and shivers a bit, her brain quite literally only thinking about Katya so much so that she needed to take a moment to herself in quiet.

She felt the ghost of Katya’s slender fingers in her back pocket and her mind felt fuzzy with excitement. This is something that she’s never felt before, and she can feel her worries about her sexuality nagging at the back of her train of thought. She knew that she had to purposefully restrain them, she didn’t need to deal with those thoughts right now. Her gut has never felt so correct, and she’s trying to follow her gut more often. Listening to her body more. Therefore, she lets her mind flash images of red lips and firm hips.

Trixie basically ran home that day from the coffee shop. Her feet moved quickly to the beat of a Lady Gaga song, her feet pounding too hard against the pavement, but she couldn’t help herself. She had never felt like this before. She was _so_ into it, and she wasn’t going to let this momentum die.  

When she arrived back at the dorm, she immediately texted Aja to come over as soon as she could. Thank God she had finished her work that was due that night by midnight and had prematurely turned it in. She was free until she went out with Katya. Holy _shit,_ she’s going out with Katya. And she made that happen. It was all her own assertiveness and she had no regrets. She felt powerful in this moment.

She put her backpack on the ground and looked at herself in the mirror. She really did look good today.

She turned around and glanced to the 4x6 pictures she had printed out at the local drug store of different pink images from her own Pinterest to form a mood board on her designated wall. It wasn’t very professional looking, but it satisfied her. She laid on the floor of her room, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars her and Kim had put up after she had moved in. She closed her eyes for a moment before her phone chimed next to her waist. Aja would be over in ten.

Ten minutes later, she let Aja into her building and re-entered her room. Somehow, in the two minutes she had been off doing that, Kim was back in the room and sitting at her desk, on her phone.

Aja and Kim were friends because of Trixie, but they didn’t know each other too well. Kim was Cosmetology-focused (even though she hadn’t declared a major) and Aja is in Fashion Design, so they had crossed paths a few times before. Trixie had loved to see them come closer as friends every time they interacted, even though it was usually because of her.

“I’ve called Aja here to help me out and Kim, I could honestly use your help tonight too, what do you say?” Trixie smiled at her roommate hopefully.

Kim laughed a little, questioning Trixie. “What the hell are you getting yourself into?”

Trixie just smiled harder at that.

“Something that’s too good to be true.”

***

Kim had agreed to do Trixie’s makeup for the night after they had gotten dinner together, something that Trixie had always wanted her to do. Kim had always protested, saying, “Trixie your face is a totally different shape, I’m not sure I wanna fuck up your face, and I’m sure you don’t want me to fuck up your face.” Trixie insisted that she could never, but Kim had always been wearied of her own talents. Trixie couldn’t wait until Kim realized her own potential, she knew it was bound to happen.

Kim’s makeup skills were truly impeccable, and Trixie had asked her to give her a darker look tonight, but not too dark as to make her not look like herself. Something to look alluring in the darkness of a bar at night, mood lighting bouncing off of her highlighted cheekbones. She just wanted to look sexy. Damn, she really wanted to.

Aja was looking through Trixie’s clothes, trying to find her an outfit that would go well for tonight. Kim offered up her closet to the noble cause as well.

“So you think this chick is really into you, huh?” Aja asked as she shuffled through hangers.

Trixie felt her cheeks heat up a little, and Kim gave her a look that signified that she had noticed.

“Yeah, I think she does. I mean, she calls me babe, she told me we were astrologically compatible, she bought my coffee just this afternoon, she –”

“Okay, I get it, you have some sexy mystery woman pining after you and we’re all jealous now.” Aja winked to show that she was only teasing her friend before turning back to the closet.

“I mean, I’m just really excited for tonight. I hope I don’t fuck it all up, but I have a great feeling about this girl, you guys. Am I being too forward? Is this crazy?” Trixie said sincerely before Kim put her finger in front of Trixie’s lips, shushing her.

“Hush, I’m doing your lipstick now. No talking.” Trixie raised her eyebrows for a second and then complied, listening to Aja hum a song from across the room before she saw the shorter girl walk back and forth across the room, putting clothes on Trixie’s bed and laying them across it, mixing and matching.

After Kim finished her lipstick and went onto finishing up the area around her eyes, Aja asked Trixie, “So what’s this girl like? We talked way too much about class at dinner and I need to know who’s wooing my bestie.” She rummaged through Trixie’s wide shoe collection.

With closed eyes, Trixie answered her, “First off, she’s Russian, has a body like a model, and she has the most perfect teeth I’ve ever seen.”

Aja laughed at that. “That’s what you notice? How shallow, Trix.”

“Hey, she’s got a nice smile, but for real her teeth are unnaturally perfect. I feel like she’s not even real.”

Kim decided to chime in, “Well, maybe she isn’t real. She’s a figment of your crazy gay imagination.”

Trixie felt something twinge inside her in that moment, but she decided not to read too deeply into it. Instead she just retorted with a simple, “Shut up, Kim, you’re one to talk.”

“Hey, hey, okay, whatever, I finished your face anyway, go admire this fucking masterpiece.”

Trixie got up from her chair, walking towards the mirror and gasping when she saw herself.

“Is it that bad?” Kim said in an insecure tone, and Trixie suddenly realized she needed to clarify.

“Holy shit, Kim, it’s so so good! I never thought I would be able to pull off that much smoke in a smokey eye! And those cheekbones are popping off!” Trixie admired the way Kim had made her face look so chiseled, with such clean lines. Her eyes looked sultry and the dark neutral shades looked so effortless on her eyelids, the false lashes Kim had applied looked so integrated into her sharp eyeliner.

She looked so hot.

Aja squealed happily and jumped up and down a bit, clapping her hands together in excitement.

Trixie got up to start getting changed when she suddenly remembered a piece of paper that a certain woman had slipped into her ass pocket earlier in the day. She quickly shoved her hand into the pocket and took out the piece of paper, in disbelief that she hadn’t immediately opened it.

Aja saw her frantic movements and questioned Trixie, “Aye, what’s that you got there, T?”

Trixie unfolded the piece of paper and her heart fluttered with what she saw.

It was herself.

Katya had drawn Trixie in her work uniform, her eyes sparkled, and her figure was generously depicted. It was sketched in pencil, and underneath it said “Trixie” with exaggerated hearts over the I’s, just how Trixie would have done it herself, and how she had written it when she gave Katya her number.

All Trixie had to do was turn the picture towards Aja, saying “Katya,” and Trixie could see the fire in Aja’s eyes. If she didn’t know how whipped they were for each other before, she definitely knew it now.

“Let’s slut you up, miss thing!”

Shit was getting real.

***

Trixie had absolutely loved what Aja and Kim had done for her. She thanked them over and over, and now here she was, walking to the bar that she texted Katya to meet her at around 9, to which Katya responded, “AM or PM?” and Trixie had a good laugh about it before telling her she was a “dumbass <3”.

Now, approaching the bar, Trixie sees that Katya is already there and her breath escapes her lungs. Katya is wearing a tight black dress that is most certainly very high on her thighs, with spaghetti straps in the October chilled weather, as well as thigh-high black high-heeled platforms making her legs look gorgeous. Her back was to Trixie, but she knew that Katya’s hair was hers from behind, wavy and sort of long, she couldn’t mistake it. It was then that Trixie decided to take off her jean jacket, draping it over her arm.

Katya’s waiting in a semi-long line, it looks like they’d have to be waiting out here together for a bit. Trixie didn’t mind.

Trixie walked into Katya’s view, “Hey, stranger.”

Katya’s dark dark dark eyeshadow made her eyes look mysterious, the blue hues so bright in the light of the street lamp near where they were standing. Her red lips perched around an unlit cigarette, accenting her already skinny cheekbones. It wasn’t long before Trixie saw those baby blues eyeing Trixie’s outfit up and down. Katya’s expression made Trixie mentally thank God for Aja and Kim.

Trixie’s hair was up in a high ponytail, straightened and looking flawless, (all her own doing), and it made Kim’s work look even better with no hair hanging in front of her face. The dark pink pleated skirt that Aja had chosen had made Trixie feel theatrical at first, but now she had no regrets about it, and the darker purple turtleneck that Kim had asked her to wear because it was “a bit chilly out there, T” complimented the skirt nicely. Her bare legs did not compliment the colder, new fall weather, but her dark purple pumps made her legs look really good, so she didn’t care too much.

She felt like a snack. No. She felt like a ten-course meal.

And Katya looked really hungry.

Katya responded to her, “Wow, you look amazing, Trixie.” It was one of the few times recently Katya had called her by her actual name.

Trixie smiled at her, taking a step closer. “You look so great tonight, Katya.” She reached out and hugged the shorter woman, deciding that she wanted to get closer to her and this was definitely a first step in trying. She felt Katya’s arms wrap around her middle as she wrapped her arms around her neck, eventually breaking the hug by running her manicured hand down the side of Katya’s arm, hoping it makes her shiver. She had a feeling that it worked.

“Thanks for coming out with me tonight, I just couldn’t let you get away with paying for my coffee without returning the favor.” Trixie leaned against the wall of the bar, crossing her arms, not making her tits look half-bad, to be honest.

Katya smirked and leaned towards her, but far enough away that Trixie craved more of her. She had her arms crossed as well, and Trixie could tell it wasn’t some pose to look cool like she had been trying, but Katya was genuinely just cold.

“Of course, Barbie, like I could pass this up?” Katya played it cool, “I needed to get away from all that studying I’ve been doing anyway, and you have me the perfect opportunity to do just that.”

Trixie shrugged, “Happy to help, of course,” she thought for a moment, “and I’m happy to help again.” She situated her jean jacket from around her arm and settled it on top of Katya’s shoulders. Shoulders she wasn’t too keen on covering up, necessarily, but she didn’t want Katya to freeze to death before they even got a chance to get inside.

Katya let out a breath and insisted, “Aw, thanks, you really don’t have to, but that’s nice of you.” She didn’t resist Trixie’s gesture at all.

“You’re welcome, I’ve got plenty of layers, you seemed a bit cold in that dress, did you not know it was going to be, like, 40 degrees out here tonight?”

“I mean, I did, but I either wore this or what I was wearing earlier, and I felt the need to put in some effort tonight.”

They paused, but not awkwardly, thoughtfully, smiling simply into each other’s eyes.

“By the way, that piece of paper you blatantly shoved into my ass pocket quite literally swept me off my feet.”

Katya smiled, wrapping herself further into Trixie’s jacket as they continued to periodically move up in line, “I’m glad, I was nervous I was being too forward with you when I put it in your pocket. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable or anything, I would never want you to feel that way.”

Trixie felt her heart twinge at the sincerity, seriously thinking that this woman could not get more perfect.

“You definitely didn’t make me uncomfortable, in fact…” Trixie trailed off as the two of them moved to the very front of the line and then began to turn the corner to get into the bar.

“It sort of got me thinking that I wanted you to do it again.” Trixie knew her ass was on display as she walked into the entrance, “And I don’t have any pockets tonight, so I guess you’ll just have to find another reason besides note-giving to touch me there.” Trixie smiled devilishly, surprised at her own words. She didn’t have to turn around as they walked in to know that she was slowly driving Katya crazy.

The universe had to be fucking with her when it decided to give her this much confidence in one night. She should use it wisely.

***

Inside, they immediately went to the bar and sat next to each other at a few high stools in the corner. Katya shrugged Trixie’s jacket off of her shoulders but kept it on, and Trixie was into the look she was pulling off. God, she was whipped. She would normally have been so much more nervous, but after what Katya had done at the coffee shop, she knew that this was the time to take her chance.

“Two fireball shots for us, please,” Trixie said to the bartender. Katya raised her eyebrows.

“Getting off to a good start, I see.” Katya smiled at her and scooted her stool a bit closer to Trixie, resting her elbow on the bar.

“Oh definitely, and what’s your drink of choice, Katya?” Trixie asked her and leaned in a bit closer, resting her hand on Katya’s knee. Katya caught her breath and shivered at the sensation.

“Um… Definitely a tequila sunrise, but don’t worry about paying for me Trix, I can cover whatever you’d like.” Her hand reached to lightly cover Trixie’s own on her knee.

Trixie felt warm at the nickname and the way Katya so gently touched her hand. Katya had so far come across as extremely hot, daring, sexy. These intimate touches and her soft words made Trixie’s heart collapse in on itself over and over again. How did she find such an angel?

“Don’t worry about it, you can always get me next time if I go too overboard.”

Katya’s heart warmed at the idea of a “next time.”

***

They talked for a while, they drank for a while. Trixie drank until she felt really happy, but she wasn’t wasted or anything. She wanted to remember this, and she sure as Hell did not want to embarrass herself in front of Katya.

Eventually, after a while of staring into each other’s eyes and laughing at each other’s jokes, (Trixie laughing rather loudly), they got up to dance. Katya held Trixie’s hand and dragged her out into the middle of the dance floor, liquid courage running through their veins.

Things started off slowly, dancing the way any drunk girls would. Swaying around, putting their arms up, swinging their hips back and forth, singing the lyrics to “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” very badly but very proudly. It was warm, it made Trixie’s heart sing. She felt unbelievably comfortable here, something about this woman made her feel at home.

A few Lady Gaga songs played and a few other radio songs made an appearance. Trixie was soaking everything in when Katya reached forward and put her hands on Trixie’s hips. Trixie’s heart fluttered. Hard.

She looked up and made eye contact with Katya. Katya raised her eyebrow, as if asking Trixie with her facial expression if this touching was okay. Trixie’s nonverbal response was to grin, biting her lower lip, and drape her arms over Katya’s firm shoulders. Trixie’s pink-painted nails brushed against Katya’s sharp cheekbones as she pushed a strand of hair out of Katya’s face, letting her hand rest at the side of her head.

Trixie could feel it about to happen, she wanted to lean into Katya, seal the deal. Her eyes were staring deep into her own and she felt as light as air. Time moved in slow motion. She could tell Katya felt the same by the way she began to move closer, her fingers slightly squeezing Trixie’s waist.

Trixie thought this moment could not be any more perfect. That’s when it happened.

Some asshole man appeared behind Katya, eyeing the two of them. Trixie was pulled out of her trance when she heard him say, “C’mon ladies, give us a show.”

His friend joined him, “Damn, that’s hot.”

Trixie could tell that Katya was getting annoyed but was trying to ignore them before they got a little too close. Far too close for comfort. Before Trixie knew it, or even realized that they were actually being harassed in a bar right now, that man was on the floor.

Katya had decked him right in the face.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much!! be sure to comment if you liked this story and let me know what you'd like to see happen next. 
> 
> i've been in a writer's block lately, obviously, so please leave some words of encouragement or some ideas if you'd like to see me update this again
> 
> send love xx K


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